Happy Anniversary!

Today is my first Americaversary. The day I stepped off a plane at LAX, negotiated the perpetually-upset Customs officials and got my passport imprinted with that beautiful two-year visa stamp.
So I’ve spent the morning on Nostalgia Parkway – looking through old photos of my niece and nephews and life on the farm, thinking about my last few days in Sydney before I moved. It’s easy to see things as they weren’t.

I really want to hug the kids, give them each a massive smooch and read them There’s a Woset in my Closet. I want to sit around and shoot the shit with my brothers – tease them and play Uno and try to one up them with “most annoying customer” stories. Mostly I think I miss the certainty of life and knowing where I’d be in the next 10 years.
It wasn’t all bad, I did get to escape up the water tower sometimes, and watch my grandparents count cows from the window.
But the truth is I couldn’t have been happier to leave Australia. It marked an end to a particularly difficult chapter in my life that included the death of a parent, a job in the family business that wasn’t at all taxing on my mind or using any of my skills, and a perceived dead end.
So taking off the rose-coloured glasses: The kids would climb all over me while I was trying to read to them and scream “Aunty, you’re a bumbumhead” in my ear. There’s not much time to sit around playing cards on the farm, and any conversation when you’re dog-tired from non-stop physical labour isn’t going to be that riveting. And the only reason I knew where I was going to be, was because it was the same place I’d been for the preceding four years – bored and unhappy.
Basically I’m missing an idea I’ve made up in my head. And people. I miss my friends and family pretty badly. Keeping that in mind allows me to feel a little less scared about what’s in my future. My visa has exactly a year left and then it’s all uncertainty. Decision making is not my forte.
Do I apply for another visa and hope for the best? What if it’s rejected? Do I pack Mr M in my suitcase and go home? Long distance relationships aren’t cool. What kind of work would I do anyway?
Luckily, it’s only been a year and I have a whole other one to figure out the answers to all of these questions and more.

Happy Americaversary! 

6 thoughts on “Happy Anniversary!

  1. Happy Americaversary to you !!! If it was me I would apply for another visa – you don't have to stay if you don't want to but you have the option should you wish to. Long distance relationships are difficult and if you are happy where you are, why change it just for the sake of changing it. A lot can happen in a year but if you have another visa you may not have to make that decision in a year.
    Good luck !!!

  2. Happy one year there.. And not here.. And for the in-between spaces where you've been learning much about yourself than you would have staying 'stuck'. For someone who says she's not good at decision-making I think you need to re-check that! Look at you from an outsider's perspective. You did make a move & you never need to wonder "should I?" Because you can & have. You've helped me too, as a valued commenter on my blog as I grapple with my signifant life change. The notion of the actual experiences which helped you make your move & what you miss being (kids Etc) less than real now because you miss "the memories" but know the reality was not as good for you. Snap for me! Denyse xx

  3. Thanks Linda! Yeah, I guess it doesn't hurt to re-apply… and least I'd get a trip to Canada or Mexico out of it, right? I'll tackle the relationship thing when we get to it. Mr M wasn't particularly enthused by the idea of being zipped into a suitcase.

  4. Thanks Denyse! I guess I mean that I take so long to make any decisions and I spend ages consulting everyone I know. You, of all people, should know that… I feel like I'm the only Flourisher ever asking life direction-change questions in the group! But I'm glad that you got something out of it too!

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